It was April 10, 2017, and my son said to me that he knew exactly what he would be doing in three years time.
How's that? I asked.
He said he had 2020 vision.
Mothers and cats
There were once two brothers, John and Fred. The lived with their 88 year old mother and their 12 year old cat.
John loved the cat but one week he needed to travel abroad and so was away. He gave Fred detailed instructions on how to look after it.
The day after he flew off he phoned Fred to see how everything was. He phoned again the next day and the day after that,
On the fourth day he phoned again. When he asked after the cat he was told that it had died. He was shocked to hear that.
When he recovered himself he said to Fred "That was thoughtless. Why didn't you break it to me gently. You could have said something like, 'she's okay but she's up on the roof.' And then when I called the next time, tell me 'oh, bad news, she fell off the roof and she's at the vets'. And then the next time break the news that she passed away. At least I'd have been a little prepared."
Fred agreed he'd been a bit thoughtless. John accepted his apology. He then asked Fred about their mother.
"Well, John," said Fred "she's okay, but she's up on the roof"!!
Good Friday and Boxing Day
When did Good Friday last fall on Boxing Day?
Apparently it happened in 1899 when a horse called Good Friday fell in a race in Wolverhampton the day after Christmas. (Whether the facts are correct or not, it is still funny).
Two teachers
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?
There was no chemistry between them.
Rabbi, priest and minister
A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.
The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''
Jump leads
A man walks into a bar wearing jump-leads.
The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything.''
The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything.''
Doctor doctor 01
I went to the doctors the other day. I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'
He gave me a kite.
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