I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger and then it hit me.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
Blunt pencils are really pointless.