Religious Light Bulb Jokes

• Charismatics 1. Hands are already in the air.

Or 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

• Roman Catholics None - Candles only.
• Evangelicals At least 12 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the quiche and the fried chicken.
• Unitarians We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
• Wet liberals. Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
• Deeply conservative fundamentalists Change?
• Amish What’s a light bulb?
• Budhists. Four. One to change it, one to not change it, one to both change it and not change it, and one to neither change it nor not change it.

10 More Light Bulb jokes

Q. How many hands does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Many.

Q: How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It's a very obscure number, you probably won't have heard of it.

Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb.

A: Just Juan

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

Q. How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One. They're efficient and not very funny.

Q. How many popes does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Change?

Q.How many short people does it take to change a light bulb?

A.One. He is short not stupid, he used a step ladder.

Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None – the keyboard player can do it with his left hand

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

Q: How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.

10 Light bulb jokes

Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A1: None of your darn business!

A2: 50. 50? Yeah 50; it's in the contract.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.

Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ...... consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it takes nine years.

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but they get three technical reports out of it.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to assure that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

Q: How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That's not funny!!!

Q. How many flies does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.

Some more knock knocks

(Don't knock 'em)

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Spell
Spell who?
W-H-O

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Control Freak.
Con—
Okay, now you say, “Control Freak who?”

Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?

H.

H who?

Bless you!

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Boo hoo.
Boo hoo who?
Aww, don’t cry - it’s just a joke.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cow says.
Cow says who?

No, cow says moo!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?

Idunup

Idunup who?

That's disgusting!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?

Euripides

Euripides who?

You rippa dese trousers I smasha you face,

Knock knock 05

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Gladys
Gladys who?
Gladys not that deja vu joke again.

Knock knock 04

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Dayjav
Dayjav who?
Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Knock knock 03

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Dayjav
Dayjav who?
Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Knock knock 02

Knock! Knock! Who is there?
Hike. Hike who? Hike who?/
And so we have a haiku!

Pedantry 5

Statistics show that 47% of people are pedantic. Well, 46.8%.

Pedantry 4

Wife. "We'd have less arguments it you weren't so pedantic.
Pedantic husband. "You mean fewer?"

Pedantry 3

What's the difference between a pedant and a pendant?
One is generally hung from the ceiling and the other is a lighting fixture.

Riddles and wordplay

When is a door not a door? When it is ajar.

What can run all day without getting hot? A cold water tap.

A man is six feet tall, he's an assistant at the local deli and wears size nine shoes. What does he weigh? Meat.

What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short

What type of cheese is made backwards? Edam

What question can you never answer “Yes” to? What does “N-O” spell?

What two things can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner.

What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.

What word is spelled incorrectly in every single dictionary? Incorrectly.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.