Darts joke

Two elderly nuns are at their local watching a darts match.

The first player throws his initial dart and scores a maximum treble twenty.

Then he sees the nuns and it puts him off his stride and his second dart scores only a twenty.

The nuns express their disappointment but try to cheer him on.

By this time he is losing his cool completely and his third dart hits one of the dartboard wires and rebounds to the place just where the nuns are stood.

Sadly, the dart hits one of the nuns and the other is so shocked that she drops dead.

The crowd is silent for a moment

... and then the referee shouts out in his broad Geordie

"One nun dead and eighty!"

Welsh Joke 01

During the Cold War, a Russian spy was dropped by parachute in the Welsh hills with instructions to make contact with a spy who had been lying deep for several years in the forgotten village of Upper Cwmtwrch.

He was intending to activate the spy and was to begin speaking to himusing a coded message. He was to say “The tulips are blooming well today.” All he knows about this other man is that his name is Jones.

Arriving eventually at the village he asks a young boy where he might find Mr Jones. The boy looks back at him rather confused as he knows many men called Jones. His own surname happens to be Jones. Rather than argue he points to the nearest house where a Mr Jones can be found.

The Russian knocks on the door and the owner appears.

“I'm looking for Mr Jones. Are you Mr Jones?”

“Yes I am” he says in all honesty.

“The tulips are blooming well today” says the Russian.

Mr Jones is blank at first. Then suddenly he realises the problem.

"Ah" he says "you must have the wrong house. Jones the milk I am and next door is Jones the bread. The man you want, I guess, is Jones the Spy. He lives at number 14. He came back in about an hour ago."

What's the difference? 03

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

What's the difference? 02

What's the difference between a piano and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna fish.

What's the difference? 01

What's the difference between a jeweller and a jailer?
One sells watches and the other watches cells.

The blogger and the iron

A blogger burned both of his ears ...
so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.
He said, ''I was ironing my clothes and the phone rang ...
So, instead of picking up the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear ...''
''But how on earth did you burn the other ear?'' The doctor asked.
''They called back!''

A really old joke

World's funniest joke

Groucho and exclusive clubs

Groucho Marx evidently once wrote to an exclusive club resigning membership

Dear Board,

I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.

Sincerely yours,

Groucho Marx.

For an exhaustive exploration of the quotation which is given in various forms see here.