Marking the death of Ken Dodd in March 2018
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it
“Did you hear about the shrimp that went to the prawn’s cocktail party? He pulled a mussel.
I always feel at home in theatres like this, because we’re about the same age.
My Dad always knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby he said, ‘Is this a joke?
Five out of every three people have trouble understanding fractions.
I told the Inland Revenue I don’t owe them a penny. I live by the seaside.
Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It started off badly, but by the end I really liked it…
The trouble with Freud is that he never played the Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.