I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
Look, if you don't like my parties, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, leave in a minute and a huff. If you can't find that, you can leave in a taxi.
How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very
'Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.'
There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit ... retire!
I could dance with you till the cows come home, on second thoughts I'll dance with the cows till you come home.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Last night I shot an elephant in my pyjamas and how he got in my pyjamas I'll never know.
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
I am a Marxist - of the Groucho tendency.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
