What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a cynic?
A teacher answers your questions; a cynic questions your answers.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
What’s the difference between a greedy person and a shrimp?
One is selfish; the other is shellfish.
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup.
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.