Religious Light Bulb Jokes

• Charismatics 1. Hands are already in the air.

Or 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

• Roman Catholics None - Candles only.
• Evangelicals At least 12 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the quiche and the fried chicken.
• Unitarians We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
• Wet liberals. Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
• Deeply conservative fundamentalists Change?
• Amish What’s a light bulb?
• Buddhists. Four. One to change it, one to not change it, one to both change it and not change it, and one to neither change it nor not change it.

10 More Light Bulb jokes

Q. How many hands does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Many.

Q: How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It's a very obscure number, you probably won't have heard of it.

Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb.

A: Just Juan

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

Q. How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One. They're efficient and not very funny.

Q. How many popes does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Change?

Q.How many short people does it take to change a light bulb?

A.One. He is short not stupid, he used a step ladder.

Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None – the keyboard player can do it with his left hand

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

Q: How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.

10 Light bulb jokes

KMJ, alpha masking by Edokter, CC BY-SA 3.0 <http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/>,
via Wikimedia Commons

Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take
to screw in a light bulb?

A1: None of your darn business!

A2: 50. 50? Yeah 50; it's in the contract.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.

Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ...... consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it takes nine years.

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but they get three technical reports out of it.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to assure that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

Q: How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That's not funny!!!

Q. How many flies does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.

Types of joke

1. Why did the chicken cross the road? jokes

(As in Why did the chicken cross the road?” “To get to the other side!”)

2. Knock knock jokes

(As in Knock, knock Who’s there? Lettuce Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here)

3. Light bulb jokes

(As in How many Mystery-genre writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end)

4. Doctor Doctor jokes

(As in Doctor, Doctor, can you give me something for wind? Yes - here's a kite!)

5. What do you call a man jokes

(As in What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug)

6. Elephant jokes

(As in Why did the elephant paint its fingernails red? So it could hide in a cherry tree)

7. Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman jokes

(As in An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman set up as furniture removers. On their first job a householder saw the Englishman and Scotsman struggling to carry a wardrobe upstairs. She asked them, 'Where is the Irishman?' 'Oh, he's in the wardrobe stopping the wire coat-hangers from rattling.')

8. Bar jokes

(As in E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don't serve minors.”)

9. What's the difference jokes

(As in What's the difference between a photocopier and the flu? One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families)

10. Two kind jokes

(As in There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who have a way with words and those who way have do not)