Nearly drowned

A man who nearly drowned one time swore he would not go near water again until he had learned to swim.

Pronouns

School teacher: "Boy, name two pronouns"
Boy: "Who, me?"

Pedantry 2

Someone showed a photograph to a pedant and said "This is photo of me when I was younger" and the pedant said "Every photo is a photo of when you were younger."

Pedantry

What is the correct way to pronounce pedantry?

A bad workman

A bad workman always blames his tolos*

*Apologies for the typo. My spell checker is not working.

Dwelling on things

I was told in school that I tend to dwell on things. I've been told the same thing in several of the jobs I've done too. But I don't think it's true.

A tough sentence

Police have arrested the world tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

More puns

I know a devoted couple who are going to Split.

A new TV series is a gory drama about a troubled airline. They've already shot the pilot.

I was shocked to find how bad an electrician he was.

I like everything about Switzerland. The flag is a big plus for starters.

Kettle cleaning, etc

I really need to clean the limescale from my kettle but I keep deferring it. (Mentioned before)

Why was the goalkeeper called Cinderella? He kept missing the ball.

A big thank you to the person who explained the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

I started wearing a neck brace years ago. Since then I've never looked back.

I used to own a really fierce tiger, he said offhandedly.

Wind joke

Q. Is it easy for the wind to blow through the tree tops?
A. Yes, it's a breeze