Trappist Monks Joke 02

Trappist monks speak only when it is absolutely necessary. A novice joins an order of Trappist Monks and witnesses a strange activity.

All the monks sit at a table with a pile of numbers on cards in the middle and take it in turns to hold up a card. There would then be various levels of suppressed laughter from the other monks.

'What's this all about?' asked the novice, forgetting he was now in a Trappist Monastery. The abbot held up a huge card with the letters 'SHH!' on it.

Duly admonished, the novice then wrote down his question and handed it to the Abbot. The written answer was that the monks had been together so long that they had heard all the jokes before and so to avoid too much speaking they had devised a system whereby every joke was numbered and so all that was necessary to do was to hold up a number and the rest would know what the joke was.

Being new to all this, the novice thought he might join in. He also began to hold up different numbers. However, the other monks just looked at him, without laughing, and he felt rather bewildered.

Later on he wrote down another question, enquiring why no-one laughed when he held up his numbers while they had laughed when the other monks did. The written reply came to him from the Abbot himself. 'Ah, you see, with a joke, it's the way you tell it!''

Trappist Monks Joke 01

A man joins an order of Trappist monks. Trappists are only to speak when necessary. In this particular monastery the rule was that monks were only allowed to speak once every 10 years. The man was told this and was happy to enter into virtual silence.

10 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the head monk approaches and says to him "It's been ten years. What would you like to say brother?".

The man says, "The porridge could do with a little more salt."
The head monk nods in acknowledgement and walks away.

Another 10 years pass and the head monk finds the man in the dormitory and says "Brother, it's been another ten years. What is it that you wish to say?"

"The bed sheets are a bit thin" the man replies.
Again the head monk nods in acknowledgement.

Yet another 10 years pass and the head monk sees the man and says "Another ten years have passed. Have you anything to say?"

"Well actually I've been thinking about it and I'm leaving the order. It's not really for me." says the man.

"Yes, yes" sighs the head monk "I think that's for the best. You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

The Zen Monk and the Hot Dog Vendor

Q: What did the Zen monk say to the hot dog stand vendor?

A: Make me one with everything

Sequel:

The hot dog vendor prepares it and gives it to the monk. The monk pays him with a banknote and asks for the change. The hot dog vendor says: “Change comes from within.”