Some Trabant jokes

These jokes were popular following the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989

Q. How do you double the value of a Trabant? A. Fill up the tank!

Q. How many workers does it take to build a Trabi? A. Three, one to cut, one to fold and one to paste.

Q. How do you measure the acceleration of a Trabant? A. With a diary.

Q. Why do some Trabants have heated rear windows? A. To keep your hands warm when pushing.

Q. What's the difference between a Jehovah's Witness and a Trabant? A. You can shut the door on a JW.

Q. When does a Trabi reach its top speed? A. When it's being towed.

Some Tim Vine Jokes

“I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.”

“I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.'”

“I went down the local supermarket. I said: ‘I want to make a complaint – this vinegar’s got lumps in it.’ He said: ‘Those are pickled onions.'” 

“I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything – trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.”

“I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.”

“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
“Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.”

Electric Kettle Pun

I've been meaning to descale my electric kettle for weeks now but I keep deferring it.