1. Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
2. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
3. So a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse has crippling depression, alcoholism is his only escape.
4. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a pint and a mop."
5. A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"
6. Helium walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve Noble Gases here." He doesn't react.
7. A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink called Freddy?"
8. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O." The second chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20 too." The second chemist dies.
9. Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H20." The second chemist says, "I'll take a water too." The first chemist breaks down in tears. His assassination attempt failed.
10. A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, "Dry?" The German replies, "Nein, just one."
11. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
13. A snake slithers into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here." "Why not?" asks the snake. "You can't hold your beer."
14. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, "Five beers please."
15. So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
16. A Roman walks into a bar and says, "One martinus please." The bartender replies, "Don't you mean martini?" The Roman says, "If I wanted more than one, I would have asked."
17.Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "We don't serve your type in here."