More Lloyd-Jones humour

This extract is from Iain Murray's The life of Dr Martyn Lloyd-Jones 1889-1981 The first forty years

Llangeitho, like many other villages, was rich in characters. Time will only allow me to mention three of them. One of the most original was a shoemaker — or Ianto Crydd (‘the boot’) as he was known by some. His workshop was always full and that was for several reasons. One reason was that he talked so much that he tended to neglect his work, and the only way to make sure of retrieving one’s shoes was to stay in the workshop until he finished the work! He was a kind creature and dear to many. Here is one sample of his ability. One day a farmer went to the shoemaker in great distress. His eldest daughter had failed an examination at the Tregaron Intermediate School and the poor girl was nearly heartbroken. This wasn’t the first time for her to fail, and every time she failed in the same subject, namely, algebra. He, the father, did not understand, and he came to the shoemaker and asked, ‘What is this algebra that this lass always fails in? What is it?’ Immediately the shoemaker began to explain and said, ‘Oh! algebra! Think now of a train leaving Aberystwyth with thirty passengers on it. It comes to Llanrhystyd Road and two get out and one steps in. On arriving at Llanilar, three get out and no one enters. Tregaron, five get off and six enter. Then from station to station until they arrive at Bronwydd Arms where twelve enter. At last the train reaches Carmarthen. Now this is the problem, this is the question — What was the guard’s name?’ ‘Dear me,’ said the farmer, ‘no wonder the poor lass fails.’ And he went home to sympathise with his daughter.

Joint Statement on cannabis

I'm sure this journalist must know what he is doing. His July 2022 article here includes this.

Joint statement

In their joint statement, the three ministers agreed that marijuana is the most widely used illicit drug throughout Europe, adding that “control of the quality and potency of cannabis products is not possible as long as they are not regulated and controlled by public authorities guided by public health objectives.”

One liners 03

I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.

Do refuse collectors have to be trained or do they just pick it up as they go along?

I was going to go out with my architect friends but they all had plans.

I can't stop myself making classical allusions - it's my Achilles heel.

I used to have an addiction to lollipops, but now I've got it licked.

Never read a pop-up book about giraffes. (Sean Lock)

Throwing acid is wrong. In some people's eyes. (Jimmy Carr)

The Lord's Calf

In his commentary on the Sermon on the Mount Dr Martyn Lloyd-Jones uses this story to mae a point. It is not without humour. He says

I remember once hearing a preacher tell a story which he assured us was simple, literal truth. It illustrates perfectly the point which we are considering. It is the story of a farmer who one day went happily and with great joy in his heart to report to his wife and family that their best cow had given birth to twin calves, one red and one white. And he said, "You know I have suddenly had a feeling and impulse that we must dedicate one of these calves to the Lord. We will bring them up together, and when the time comes we will sell one and keep the proceeds, and we will sell the other and give the proceeds to the Lord's work." His wife asked him which he was going to dedicate to the Lord. "There is no need to bother about that now," he replied, "we will treat them both in the same way, and when the time comes we will do as I say." And off he went. In a few months the man entered his kitchen looking very miserable and unhappy. When his wife asked him what was troubling him, he answered, "I have bad news to give you. The Lord's calf is dead." "But", she said, "you had not decided which was to be the Lord's calf." "Oh yes," he said; "I had always decided it was to be the white one, and it is the white one that has died. The Lord's calf is dead.

(He concludes: We may laugh at that story, but God forbid that we should be laughing at ourselves. It is always the Lord's calf that dies. When money becomes difficult, the first thing we economise on is our contribution to God's work. It is always the first thing to go. Perhaps we must not say "always", for that would be unfair; but with so many it is the first thing, and the things we really like are the last to go. "We cannot serve God and mammon." These things tend to come between us and God, and our attitude to them ultimately determines our relationship to God. The mere fact that we believe in God, and call Him, Lord, Lord, and likewise with Christ, is not proof in and of itself that we are serving Him, that we recognise His totalitarian demand, and have yielded ourselves gladly and readily to Him. "Let every man examine himself.")