Church Notices Bloopers

1. Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2. Today the pastor will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy!"
3. Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
4. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
5. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
6. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
7. The 8th graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
8. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the North and south ends of the church. Babies will be baptized at both ends.
9. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Smith to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
10. Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of a new carpet. All of those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and do so.
11. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
12. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the basement on Saturday.
13. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
14. Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
15. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

More drill jokes

I introduced a friend to my hammer, my chisel and my saw. He knows the drill.

I used to be a drill operator but it was boring.

Had a job once that involved drilling holes and bolting them together. Started off boring but ended up riveting.

I hate drills

 

I knew a man who hated drills. I asked him why. He answered "I just find them a bit boring".

Jabez Earle Presbyterian Minister

Jabez Earle (c 1676-1768) was a long lived Presbyterian minister. The stories told of his jokes relate chiefly to his three wives, whom he called "the world, the flesh and the devil". To one of them he explained the difference between exportation and transportation by saying, "If you were exported I should be transported".