I'm on a whiskey diet … I've lost three days already. (Tommy Cooper)
What Iran needs now is a more modern leader—a mullah lite. (Shappi Khorsandi)
They hired a three-piece band that was so lousy, every time the waiter dropped a tray, we all got up and danced! (Les Dawson)
I have an L-shaped sofa… Lowercase. (Demetri Martin)
Crime in multi-storey car parks is wrong - on so many different levels." (Tim Vine)
My wife - it's difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore. (Milton Jones)
In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit. (Gary Delaney)
"Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat." (Joe Lycett)