Inventor Jokes

The inventor of the ferris wheel and the merry-go-round never met. They moved in different circles.

The inventor of the USB stick has died At his funeral they gently lowered the coffin, then pulled it back up, turned it the other way, then lowered it again.

The inventor of cut, copy and paste has been revealed. The inventor of cut, copy and paste has been revealed.

The inventor of autocorrect died today. His funfair will be hello on sundial/The funnel will be held tomato.

The inventor of the wind chill factor died this week. He was 86 but felt more like he was 64.

The inventor of Velcro died today. RIP.

The inventor of the TASER gun recently died. We were stunned.

My favourite inventor, Pat Pending.

Bar Ball Jokes

A tennis ball rolls into a bar. After a while the bartender says, “Have you been served?”

A golf ball rolls into a bar. The bartender says whattlya have? Something tall, I drove a fair way to get here.

A cricket ball rolls into a bar. He can't get in because of the bouncers.

A basketball rolls into a bar and orders a hi-ball. He then asks about the job as the bouncer.

A baseball rolls into a bar and asks for a pitcher.

A bowling ball rolls into a bar through the back entrance. The bartender tells him to get back in the alley where he belongs.

A football and a rugby ball roll into a bar arguing loudly. The bartender kicks them both out.

Two snooker balls roll into a bar. They get thrown out too - too much kissing.

Why don’t balls like going to the bar? People keep saying - you’re round.

Edinburgh Fringe Gags 2024

1. I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship – but I bottled it. – Mark Simmons (see elsehwere in this site)

2. I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward… two steps back. – Alec Snook

3. Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful. – Alex Kitson

4. I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. – Arthur Smith

5. I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it. – Mark Simmons

6. My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes. – Olaf Falafel

7. British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? – Chelsea Birkby

8. I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it. – Masai Graham

9. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had. – Zoë Coombs Marr

10. The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati. – Olaf Falafel

11. I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’. – Sarah Keyworth

12. I’ve got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I’d never bought her that vineyard. – Roger Swift

13. Gay people are very bad at maths. We don’t naturally multiply. – Lou Wall

14. Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher. – Sophie Duker

15. Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects one per cent of people. – Olga Koch

Frying Monk Joke

A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where one of the observant brothers was frying chips. Being a witty chap, the visitor said "And I suppose you're the chief friar". The equalluy qitty brother replied, "No. I'm the chip monk."